Christmas Eve

Carson if feeling much better and today is Christmas Eve :) I have been baking all morning and wrapping presents. I cant wait to see the look on Carson and Madison's faces in the morning when they come downstairs to see what Santa left them :)

Strep throat :(

Carson has been having crying fits the past few days. He has been really lethargic and just not himself. We brought him to the doctor today and he tested positive for strep :( I feel so awful that we didnt know. This is the reason it is so difficult having a child that cant talk. If he could talk he could tell us that his throat was hurting. I am so glad we brought him in and got him checked. Poor little guy has been so miserable! We started him on an antibiotic this afternoon so we are hoping that he will be on the mend soon!

Little Picasso

Today is day 1 of Carson's Winter break. We finger painted and did some paint brush painting as well. He had a blast!!!

Winter Break

Tomorrow is the first day of Carson's winter break. He has 2 weeks off from school. I have planned activities and crafts to do with him at home. He needs to stay busy as much as possible because when he isn't busy he wanders around and whines which usually results in a big meltdown because he is bored. We are working on some Christmas presents that he is making for his mimi and pappa and his 2 aunts. He loves to do crafts and he loves stickers. I found him a big tub of dinosaur stickers and he loves to sit at the table and stick them onto paper :) I'm really looking forward to having him home and getting to spend more time with him! We will also be working on some of his schoolwork while he is on break and we are hoping to bring him to Cosi and possibly to the Zoo if its not too cold. I'm sure these next couple of weeks will be challenging but we will make the best of them and enjoy the time we have Carson home with us :)

I'm so in love with this face...

<3When Carson smiles my heart smiles <3

Autism Poem

To My Autistic Child

Breakfast with Santa

Carson had so much fun making a christmas ornament for our tree :) He wasn't too impressed with the whole Santa thing!!!

I wonder...

I wonder what he is THINKING...
I wonder what he UNDERSTANDS...
but most of all I wonder what he wishes he could SAY

Struggles

We have had some hard days with Carson. I have broke down and cried the past few days because I see him regressing again. He has just been so unhappy the past 2 weeks and once again its a constant guessing game to what he is upset about. He whines constantly and has been having major fits. He is doing great at school and his teacher tells us that he isnt acting out at all. At home its a completley different story. He wont eat and he is just miserable constantly. We dont know what he wants or why he is so upset. He has no tolerance for Madison again.

For awhile things were so much better and he was making so many improvements. I just wish I knew what he wanted. He cant sit still and cant be entertained. The only thing that makes him happy is to put a movie on for him and it makes us feel guilty to always have to do that. I really wish he would talk and everyday that goes by and he doesnt it makes me feel so helpless and hopeless. I dont like feeling that way. I want to stay positive but somedays its so hard.

I have been so depressed because I feel like a failure as a mother. I want to fix Carson. I want to make him happy and I want him to be able to function like any other 3yr old. I am so worried he will never have a normal life, he will never talk and he will never be happy :(

The only thing I can do is pray and hope that one day our prayers will be answered. We try so hard to make things better for him but somedays we both just feel so defeated

Dec 4th, 2011

Dec 3rd, 2011

Isn't this awesome???

Autism Siggies

I have always loved to scrapbook and take pictures. Well a new hobby of mine has been digital design. I love making creations out of scrapkits I find online. I am a designer for a online group called Dazed By Sigges and we design custom signatures for people to use in online forums and emails. Some of my amazing friends I have met surprised me with these autism awareness tags and I just had to show them off here!!!

Nov 30th, 2011

Our BIGGEST challenge

Carson has made so much progress but there are still so many challenges we face. He isnt eating again and that really stresses me out because I worry that he is hungry and I worry that he will lose weight. He has been eating so well for a few weeks now and it has been a huge relief. All of a sudden he has stopped eating EVERYTHING! He also isnt sleeping well again and I have no idea why. The diet was helping all of these things and now its like we are starting to go back to where we were. He has been really upset all day today and he cries but we have no idea what he is upset about or what he wants. Its an awful feeling as a parent to not be able to stop the tears from your child and to not know whats wrong or what to do to help. I keep thinking he is probabaly hungry but no matter what I make him he will sit at the table and cry hysterically and push the food away. I dont know what else it could be. I wish he could just tell us if something hurts. He has been so upset today and coughing so I thought maybe his throat was hurting and I gave him some medicine before bed but he woke up at midnight screaming and crying. I made him something to eat thinking he was probably hungry but he still wouldnt eat anything. Here is is 1am and he is in his room having a major meltdown. He wont stay in his bed and I have no idea what to do for him. The biggest challenge of his autism so far has been days like these when he is so upset and he cant tell us why and we cant figure it out. I want to be able to help him and give him what he needs. I pray so hard everyday that eventually he will be able to communicate with us. I have hope that one day that will happen. All I can do is hope and pray....

Ready for School!

I couldnt get any pictures of his face because he wouldnt look at me but this was Carson's first day back at school after thanksgiving break. He had 5 days off from school and he was so ready to go back :)