Nov 30th, 2011

Our BIGGEST challenge

Carson has made so much progress but there are still so many challenges we face. He isnt eating again and that really stresses me out because I worry that he is hungry and I worry that he will lose weight. He has been eating so well for a few weeks now and it has been a huge relief. All of a sudden he has stopped eating EVERYTHING! He also isnt sleeping well again and I have no idea why. The diet was helping all of these things and now its like we are starting to go back to where we were. He has been really upset all day today and he cries but we have no idea what he is upset about or what he wants. Its an awful feeling as a parent to not be able to stop the tears from your child and to not know whats wrong or what to do to help. I keep thinking he is probabaly hungry but no matter what I make him he will sit at the table and cry hysterically and push the food away. I dont know what else it could be. I wish he could just tell us if something hurts. He has been so upset today and coughing so I thought maybe his throat was hurting and I gave him some medicine before bed but he woke up at midnight screaming and crying. I made him something to eat thinking he was probably hungry but he still wouldnt eat anything. Here is is 1am and he is in his room having a major meltdown. He wont stay in his bed and I have no idea what to do for him. The biggest challenge of his autism so far has been days like these when he is so upset and he cant tell us why and we cant figure it out. I want to be able to help him and give him what he needs. I pray so hard everyday that eventually he will be able to communicate with us. I have hope that one day that will happen. All I can do is hope and pray....

Ready for School!

I couldnt get any pictures of his face because he wouldnt look at me but this was Carson's first day back at school after thanksgiving break. He had 5 days off from school and he was so ready to go back :)

LOOK what we bought Carson for Christmas!!!!

I cant wait to see the look on Carson's face on Christmas morning when he sees this!!!!

2 steps forward, 1 step back

Carson has been doing great but the past few days he has been back to his unhappiness. I know he has to be beyond frustrated constantly. I cant imagine not being able to communicate. I try to put myself in his shoes and remind myself how difficult it has to be for him. It breaks my heart when I know he wants to say something so bad but he just cant find the words. Other times he will think we dont understand or that we dont know what he wants when we do know but its not something we can do at the moment. For instance, when its cold or rainy outside and he wants to go out and play. He will grab my hand and bring me to the back door and look up at me with those puppy dog eyes of his and I tell him buddy I know what you want but we cant go outside right now. He doesnt understand that I understand him so he gets very frustrated and will start to cry and have a meltdown. Its so very hard watching this because I just want to help him understand. I have been having dreams lately that he has just started talking in sentences over night. I dont expect that to happen but when I wake up I am so sad it was just a dream. I want that to be true so very much. Even if he could just learn to say simple things like 'want juice' or 'watch nemo' it would make things so much easier. I worry everyday that he will never be able to speak and that he will never be able to communicate with us. This is my biggest fear and I pray everyday that this doesnt happen. I have to remain positive and have hope that one day he will be able to talk and until that day I have to be patient and know that this is much harder on him than it is on any of us. I have to believe that one day things will be easier and that Carson will be happy.

2 more goals reached!

I am so happy and excited to write this post!!! Carson has reached 2 more of his goals at school and these two are ones that he has been struggling with for awhile now. Part of his treatment is to learn to do daily living skills and to prepare him for potty training. He mastered "pull down" and "pull up" pants!!! Its funny because many parents without an autistic child would think this wasnt something that exciting but for us and for Carson its HUGE!!! He is really starting to comprehend and understand what we say to him. Now when its time for diaper changes we say to him "pull down pants" and he does it!!! Its amazing to have that connection and to know that the words we say are finally starting to be absorbed by his brain! The next daily living skill he is working on is taking his shoes off when asked. This one may take awhile. I am just so proud of Carson!!! He is doing better than I ever expected :)

11/16 UPDATE

Carson is doing wonderful! I couldnt be happier with his progress!!! He is doing great at school and at home. He is eating a variety of foods again instead of just one thing all of the time. He is loving green beans and peas again and some fruit. He is eating chicken nuggets and fish sticks, gluten free of course. His eye contact has been amazing. Tonight I was sitting on the floor with him and he jumped in my lap and grabbed my face and looked straight in my eyes and gave me a kiss!!!!!! It was a very sweet moment! He is still struggling with the long hours of his school day and he is so exhausted by the end of the day. No nap is really difficult for him and I feel so bad for him because he is just so tired all of the time. He was wanting to go to bed tonight at 5:30!!! The time change makes it worse :/ I am so excited everyday to see what he is going to do and to see what he will accomplish at school. I am so proud of him!!!

A trip to the park

Carson LOVES dinosaurs!!!

Amazing!

Carson is slowly starting to emerge from his shell!!! The past few days have been so amazing. I really think the gluten free diet he is on has made a HUGE difference! He has been so connected to us and engaged with the world! Its amazing!!! His eye contact has been awesome and he is trying so hard to say some words. Tonight when I was giving him a bath we were playing peek-a-boo like we always do and I said Boo like I always do and he repeated it!!!!! I burst into tears! That is amazing and a huge accomplishment for him!!!! When I dropped him off for school the other day he said bye and every morning on the way to school it sounds like he is trying to say school. I am so amazed and so proud of him!!!!! I think everything we are doing is starting to pay off and he is starting to emerge from his shell FINALLY!!!!